How to fix a dating mistake
After a while, this protective state becomes the norm and you forget to relate as lovers.
Quickly, little arguments explode into full-blown wars when your connection feel threatened and before you know it, you’re sitting in a lawyers office signing divorce papers.Conflict won’t stop until you both feel emotionally safe and secure around each other.A bit like walking through a minefield, when your relationship feels unsafe and insecure, you can’t fully relax because you sense that your partner might not be there for you.In practice, actually being that vulnerable requires that you risk rejection or abandonment. So we hide our authentic selves from each other to avoid taking that risk.Yet if we don’t take that risk, we’ll never be known deeply, never be able to fully express ourselves and never feel fully alive.I call these two archetypes the Hailstorm and the Turtle. Eventually, both partners withdraw to protect themselves from further hurt, making closeness and intimacy impossible.
Then it’s just a matter of time before the relationship ends or one partner has an affair. You’ve probably heard that opposites attract, right? Like opposite poles of a magnet, we tend to be most attracted to someone with opposite personality traits to us.
We fight – for our partner’s attention or for our independence and freedom. We fight – for our partner’s attention or for our independence and freedom. Thinking your relationship struggles will somehow just go away. At least not until you deal with the heart of what is causing them. I know they want to help because they care for you, but…
In most cases, things will get worse until you get professional help or break up. Unless they are a qualified relationship expert, their advice will just make things even worse. It may be tempting to think you can fix your relationship without help, but that rarely works. Because you’re too close to it to see things clearly and from an impartial perspective.
In Week 1 you’ll RE-CONNECT, open each other’s hearts, and learn how to There were no “Communication 101” classes at high school, so just like trying to ride a bicycle blindfolded, we crash and burn when we try to talk about “issues” with our spouse.
If you haven’t been taught communication skills for couples, years of hard-earned trust and connection can be destroyed with one thoughtless sentence yelled in anger……or one stone cold silence and look of contempt.
Left unresolved, these volatile issues trigger fight after fight, destroying your trust, intimacy and emotional connection.