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Meet real people naked

At least this time I had a wide open void to scream obscenities into. I’ll never understand a world that mixes sweaters and coats with mini skirts and bare skin.

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I can’t believe this is something I have to address in this post. But here’s the dilemma: You’re going to be outside in London and Paris, even though it’s winter.I would advise bringing one pair so I wore them almost every day. I’m also a big proponent of knee socks because, as I’ve said, I’m the coldest human on Earth. You’ll walk across London’s Tower Bridge and sit outside atop a double-decker bus.Bring many pairs of these, preferably with cats on them or relating to the upcoming-est holiday (for me it was Valentine’s Day). You’ll ascend the Eiffel Tower on the wettest and coldest day of your entire trip.I’ll just sit there waiting for something half decent to spontaneously materialize. The ones accidentally saying “gracias” to their French waiters and staring at Tube routes like they’re seeing a Jackson Pollock for the first time? Would someone please tell me, IN WHAT WINTER ARE THEY LIVING?It’s like filling out an organic chemistry essay exam all over again. It must be one of those weird places where it’s only winter four feet above the ground and up with summer temperatures staying closer to the Earth’s surface.Pack according to your own style (like I’d ever tell you to adopt mine) but hear me out: kept coming up as well. However, I think it’s blatantly obvious that I am not French so what the hell is the point in trying? I’m at the Eiffel Tower with a camera around my neck; I’m marveling at the Statue of Liberty inside the Musée d’Orsay; I had eggs for breakfast and only ate half of my croissant. Another conundrum this causes for me: it’s really cold out. Here you’ve got my feeble attempt at looking decent, then what I turn to when I realize I care more about comfort and function, and finally, what I’ll wear for mall-walking after I age 40 more years. The only wheeled gadget I ride is the elliptical machine at the gym.

THE ONLY SHOE I NEEDED Let me introduce: the Harley-Davidson Jammie from Zappos. Sometimes, if you pedal fast enough, you can get a good breeze going.

That could very well be a sculpture of yours truly–buck naked, in utter despair on the floor next to an empty suitcase asking myself, “Why can’t I look cute when I travel like all those bitches on Instagram!?

” I don’t even need to look necessarily, just less like a hobo than I usually do. The ones covered in cat hair trying to re-fold maps back to their former compact glory? get it…”) Search for “cute winter outfits” or something similarly embarrassing you pray no one ever sees in your search history and this is what you get.

You’ll need to cover every inch of your body and no, it won’t be sexy.

It won’t be or Instagram-worthy but you’ll show yourself off anyway because a terrible picture of yourself in front of the Eiffel Tower is still better than a great picture of yourself behind a work desk. There’s a good chance it will also be: raining, snowing, sleeting and hailing (somehow they’re different?

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